Christina Beck

It ain’t over til it’s over… and when is that exactly? The willingness to see things through til the end is something I’m learning about daily. I watched the documentary Freedom Riders over the weekend and was blown away by the commitment and courage of these early civil rights, non violent protestors. It’s amazing to me how things have changed or have they really? Inspiring film!

I am in the process of writing my next narrative feature film, BUTTERSCOTCH and in this third draft my heart is begging me to make this story more personal.I’m learning that this is an unfolding that can’t be rushed. I don’t want to bore you with redundant writing about writing but I must say, it’s my experience that it’s the hardest thing for me to do and yet when I’m finally in it, I’m in heaven!!! Unfortunately,I have not hit heaven yet…As we are inching our way through finishing up PERFECTION and I’m in early draftville with BUTTERSCOTCH sometimes the only thing I can do to have a sense of completion is COOK! I really enjoy the process of dreaming up an idea and in a very short amount of time seeing the results. There are a few of my favorite summer dishes…

Fresh Peach Cobbler

Grilled Tofu on a bed of Organic mixed greens

Veggie Coconut Curry

My Goddaughter SHEERA is a bright light!

KEEP IT REAL by Sheera Ehrig

You don’t know how or when your doing or or not,
Manipulating me, Hooking me, Mental Constipation
My body starts to shake, My face starts to quiver
Deliver! You do not!

You never stop!
like a dropped call,
then i fall, to the ground
for you its profound to spin me around

Just to keep me around and squash me in your box
pull out the parts of me that you’d like to use
Abuse, and then confuse

Is there always a price to pay?
rather then being up front in each moment of each day

I would much rather be dead on my own,
then trapped in false agreements that you’ve solely condoned

I’m not doing this and I’ll say it again
Because being with only parts of me is nothing to do with being a friend.

I am an entire existance, not just sex and creativity,
I am anger, rage and passion
Yes! There ARE other parts of me

My path will cross with many but not for them to steal
And i can smell Bullshit from a mile away
So you BETTER fucking keep it real!

I got to spend this past Saturday with Sheera at the beach. We talked about the disconnect with folks who are not really present and how as women we have an opportunity to create from our dreaming wombs. There are very few people who want to stay connected in this town of drive bys and “You look great” but there are also people like Sheera who are in it for that long haul and I so respect her for that. We also talked about MEN… but that’s another blog.

Me and Sheera

I was at The American Cinematheque for a screening the other night and at the Q&A Vincent Cassel was talking about how he prepares to work. He makes his character choices in that short time right before you go to sleep, when your body relaxes and your mind starts to drift and dreams can begin. I love that because that says to me there is nothing to push, nothing to force or fight but to BE in the flow of all that is already there….Like the perfect dream!

This has been a relaxing summer so far…It’s strange to have so much time and yet I don’t really feel free to run away yet! We are slowly finishing our post production for PERFECTION and I’m excited to see where this film goes.

My friend Maggie and I were talking today about our favorite places on the planet and where we want to spend time. I LOVE the SOUTH OF FRANCE! Can’t wait to go there again.

My favorite perfume is CHRISTALLE by Chanel. I was very lucky this past week to have been given this bottle for my birthday by some dear friends who know me well.

Still from PERFECTION

My co star in PERFECTION, David Melville has a theatre Co. here in LA and they doing free Shakespeare in Griffith park! http://www.independentshakespeare.com/ if you are in town, go see them!

Okay, I must admit that I’m not crazy about all the uncertainty in my life at the moment. The summertime has a way of making me slow down and I trust this is for a reason. As I looked out into the sea today I saw a vastness that humbles me and also inspires hope  for what’s around the corner. I met someone a while back who told me that he was an optimist and at the time I wondered if he was just whistling in the dark but now I understand that maybe we all are? Maybe that’s how things change and why my friend Stan says to not give up and TRUST LIFE!

For the past two years I have been very lucky to support myself from a great day job in television. As of next week it looks like this gig will come to an end for me and I trust that this is all for the best. When I look back and think about working a 40 hr a week gig, shooting a feature film on the weekends and editing in the evenings I am grateful to have had the energy to do all of this.

I just finished a rough first draft for a new project. It’s so fun to jump into a new creative world and it’s a wacky world at that! I’m never sure how my projects are going to get made but I am confident that they will. This one is set in the UK and I’m looking forward to spending some time there in development and shooting will be a blast! British films have been a huge inspiration for me growing up in the San Fernando Valley. I just love the way England looks on film and some of my favorite filmmakers like Andrea Arnold, LOVED for latest film FISH TANK are from the UK. She has such an unflinching intimacy in her films that I so admire .

and older filmmakers like Bryan Forbes who made the 1964 classic SEANCE OF A WET AFTERNOON with a the amazing Kim Stanley.

I love the opening shot of the house they live in. It’s sorta creepy but oddly comforting at the same time. I don’t think my films will ever be like these but I’m excited to bring my stories there and see what happens.

I have not checked in here for a while and there are two reasons for that…#1, I have not been able to log into this site due to some lame cookie/website/tech situation that is too boring to try to explain but happily figured it out and #2, is that I’ve been in a bit of a slump. POST PRODUCTION Blues…

There is this long and sometimes or at least for me, uncomfortable process in post that no one really warned me about and I must say, it’s been a little rough. There was such a huge push to get this film shot and in the can so to speak and maybe because it has taken us over a year and and half to complete principle photography that I was not ready for the sudden dip into what felt like a dark tunnel into nowhere. Forgive me if this sounds dramatic but now feeling so much better on the other side I can say that as a woman who feels things deeply I had to look within myself at who I am, why do I want to make movies and how do I take care of myself within this work? CHOCOLATE!!!

The other thing is trusting that as crazy and alone as I may feel at times that I’m really not and by talking with other filmmakers, friends, forcing myself to go out when I want to isolate has been very helpful. Maybe because spring is here and LA has been smelling incredible lately? I’m just grateful to be at this new place, we are screening a rough cut of PERFECTION this weekend for some feedback and as this work is clearly never done I trust that we are getting closer.

Today January 6th marks the anniversary of my father, James Frances Beck leaving this earth. I only realized this late last night speaking to a young woman who is about to lose her father. It’s that thing you can’t prevent or make sense of and I’m very aware of how my fathers presence or lack of has informed my life. As this New Year proceeds I am so grateful to be here today and so excited for what’s next. Good bye again to my Dad who was the perfect father for me.

Wrap Party! My lovely producer, Annette picked up this yummy cake to celebrate our collaboration on PERFECTION. It was fun to see cast and crew again and really such a gift to work with these talented, funny, smart dear friends!

I LOVE this place! http://www.acehotel.com/newyork

They treated me like a queen at The Ace hotel! This is a super hip place to stay in the city and just hanging out in the lobby with coffee and dessert is a blast!

My room had a total rock and roll vibe!

This time in New York was so beautiful and I can’t wait to go back.

As we come to the end of this year I am so grateful to say that with all the challenges it really has been the best! New York has played a big part and I can’t say enough about how cool IFP has been to me and our project, PERFECTION!

IFP'S Amy Dotson, me and Rose Vincelli

I was also very happy to catch up with some IFP alumni’s for a drink. There is a lovely bond between us all and as none of us are sure where are films will land or what will happen in the future we are all devoted to being Independent filmmakers.

I just got back from New York where I was awarded The Adrienne Shelly Foundation’s female directing grant! It was such an honor on so many levels. The IFP has been beyond helpful supporting PERFECTION and as this was now my third trip to NY this year I am so thrilled to be part of this Independent film community!

I can’t believe this month, one year ago we started shooting PERFECTION! If someone told me it would take us a year to finish principle photography I may have never started. Thank God we did and like everything else in life it’s the baby steps that get you there! Now with only two weeks to shoot, edit and hopefully get not too rough a cut to Sundance by their generous extension my focus is razor sharp, please excuse the pun. If there was ever a shy or uncertainty in my demeanor that is GONE! At least as far as filmmaking goes…

Church in New York

When IFP’s Independent film week was over and I had an extra day in the city I stumbled upon this lovely church. I was literally walking by, the organ player was rehearsing and I was pulled in by the still yet inviting energy of this glowing room. I always feel like a bit of a fraud when first walking into a church…but once I got past the first few pews I sat down and felt a quiet connection to who I am and why I’m here.

Okay, this is dangerously sounding like I have found God! Well, first off that is a very personal thing that can be misinterpreted but what I’m saying is…I believe in having a deep connection to whatever is going on in my life and the fact that my life for the past year and really before that has been about making this movie. I had no idea how much this experience was going to inform me about who I am and I can honestly say, I have never been more stressed and happier!

This horse is called freedom

And what could be more heavenly than salad pizza??? I’m gonna miss New York!

Ben's pizza in Soho

It is really an honor to be invited back to IFP‘’s film market. My feature script, PERFECTION was nominated for Best Screenplay there back in 2007.  I am excited to meet other filmmakers and with all that’s changing in our industry there is always so much more to learn…

As I was looking for pictures to put in our press kit I came across this pic my friend Allison took a while back during one of our photo sessions for PERFECTION. I never noticed I had some many freckles!

This has been our poster for PERFECTION and still may be…What do you think?