Christina Beck

Just saw an amazing new documentary by Angelina Maccarone about Charlotte Rampling, THE LOOK

I must say, I didn’t know much about Ms. Rampling except that she is a wonderful actress and beautiful woman but in this film it was so cool to see that she is so much more…

They covered many topics from eye lifts to what it means to look at one’s mortality and as a woman in her forties trying to figure out what’s next in life, this was a lovely gift! There are very few role models for real women and I felt lucky to be one of 6 people sitting in that dark theatre lifted up by Charlotte Ramplings life experiences and the talented filmmaker, Angelina Maccarone for her vision.

Happily I made it to the 5 pm showing of this film, of course it is only playing for one week and today was the last day…whew! There is something so rich about watching a film in a movie theatre. I asked a friend if he wanted to join me and his response was, he’d rather wait to see it on cable. Okay, this is what is breaking my heart and I fear that it’s only going to get worse. There are at least three arthouse movie theatres in LA that are closed down and this is HOLLYWOOD! I get it that some films are more cinematic than others but how about showing some respect to filmmaking and for ourselves that we deserve to take the time to relax without distraction and enjoy storytelling in the dark. My friend’s other reason was the money…hello? it was $8. If we don’t start supporting these movies watching them on cable TV will be our only option and again, that breaks my heart. As this holiday season is suddenly here it reminds me of how I have spent many a Happy Christmas, sitting in a dark theatre watching films that have changed my life. I don’t think I’m alone in this… I say, this holiday season give yourself the decadent gift of seeing a movie in a dark theatre. It’s worth every penny!

Happy Holidays! btw, My first feature PERFECTION will be screening at the OXFORD film festival in Mississippi Feb 2012. Yay!

Just saw a wonderful film called LONDON RIVER by the French/Algerian director Rachid Bouchareb.

Such a beautiful story about misconceptions and grief told with so much humanity and love.

I’m so grateful to see films like this, they inspire and give me hope that making films about real people with real life situations is meaningful and important.

In doing research for my next project, EXPECTING GRACE I was very lucky to have met a kind French, Algerian man who brought me to his mosque and told me so much about the muslim culture. There is a lot of ignorance in the west and again, I am grateful for films that open my mind and heart to see beyond the limited Hollywood experience. Please go see this film and support story telling that can actually feed our souls.

I’ve been writing my new project and cutting together footage and images to go with the script. I love this new world and it’s so fun to see it come alive!

There are those times where it may not mean much to anyone else but boy, do I LOVE my life!

Dave Vanian and Me!

Last night I got to see one of my teenage favorite bands of all time, THE DAMNED and they were as amazing as ever! I heard someone say that the music you love when you are young will be the music you always love and that is the case here. I remember seeing THE DAMNED for the first time when I was 15 and I fell in love with the lead singer, DAVE VANIAN! He had/has this vampire vibe and was so pale, so cool and is an incredible singer. I’m really digging the new distinguished monocle look… he is super theatrical, as is the whole band including CAPTAIN SENSIBLE!

The Captain and Me!

And that’s the thing, Punk rock is suppose to be silly. That’s why I love filmmaking! You have to be a little crazy to make movies and I can’t think of anything else in the world where I have more fun being silly and creative at the same time. So many bands later somehow missed that but these guys are so talented, funny and smart, it just warms my heart that they are still around doing what they love. I always felt  their music was very cinematic and that’s why I’m thrilled to have two of their songs in my first feature film, PERFECTION! Our screening is in two days, NOV. 2nd 7:30pm at The EGYPTIAN THEATRE in Hollywood and both the Captain and Dave said they will try to make it! Talk about dreams coming true….Life is funny!

So excited to have returned from France with such great research for my script! It was also cool to see how right on I was about the emotional climate and how prevalent this story really is!

My first feature, PERFECTION has just been programmed for a ‘Sneak Preview” screening at the most beautiful theatre in Hollywood NOV 2nd SAVE THE DATE!  It’s gonna be a super fun night with a few surprises AND I want you ALL to be there…More details soon…There is so much to do and I’m so happy to do it!

You can talk to a million people, read a thousand spiritual books and even hit up your local fortune teller but no one has the answer to LOVE… Clearly I am more comfortable writing about my creative life, people I admire, my inspirations and professional desires but somehow love has crept into my heart and my attention has been elsewhere of late. I have recently stuck my toe back into the waters of romance and I wish I could say all is fine, jump in! but from where I sit today the sea feels a bit rough.

This was an unexpected situation with someone I have loved for a long time as a “FRIEND”. Okay, so already how can I have built in love for someone unconditionally and the moment our lips touch all bets are off? I know this is not a new story for anyone and really why should I be surprised to see that yes, I too, am human but the thing that challenges me the most is the battle between my head and my heart. BTW, guess who’s winning? Ekhart Tolle talks about “You think you’re spiritual, try living with your family ” and in my current situation I am getting to look at all of my “ideas” of LOVE. It would be so easy to say that well, he’s just not the right guy or he’s got “stuff” or all of the things “FRIENDS” including this guy may have told me in the past about someone else when I was feeling sad but what I am learning in my heart today is…THIS SUCKS!!!

Not only do I feel bad but I have lost my “FRIEND” and can’t even talk to him about it. I remember hearing that it’s great to be “FRIENDS” with someone first before dating because you have all that information about the person, built in intimacy and trust. Well, guess what, after sex all of that is GONE! He is now on the other side and the battle is on! But wait! You LOVE him, this is your “FRIEND” yes, I have these lovely memories of just hanging out together, not really caring when he called, knowing that I’d see him soon and that he thinks I’m funny, smart, cool asks me for advice and loves me….GONE!

Okay, I know this may sound a bit dramatic but who are we kidding? The innocence of our “FRIENDSHIP” is lost and the truth is, I am not in a battle with my “FRIEND” I am in battle with myself! I can see why I have stayed single so long and it’s like my fears, doubts and old stuff has just been patiently waiting for this very moment. So, what are my choices? I can run…tried that twice already, didn’t work or I can take this “opportunity” to practice a deeper LOVE for myself and for him if he’ll have it and that is the risk we take with LOVE. Marianne Williamson  says something like… “We blow it the most with the people and situations we care about most”. Well, here I am blowing it, left and right, mud on my boots, blood on my face, waving a white flag, I surrender…

What an incredible night! Melissa Silverstein from Women and Hollywood was in town from NY so we gathered some FFC gals along with Ava Du Vernay and some other amazing ladies from Alliance of Women Directors for an inspiring pow wow about the current climate of female driven films. What a treat to be in the same room with so many talented, funny, smart and yes, beautiful women! What was very clear from the gate is that as it seems women are getting more exposure in the film and TV world we still have a long way to go. One of the best thing I heard from this evenings chat was Ava’s company the Firm distributing her own films and supporting other African American filmmakers to do the same. This information is not new but to see her in action and with such positive results is very cool.

I’ve recently felt a bit discouraged about the so called “indie” film world and actually reached out to Hal Hartley as to me, he is the real deal and God bless him! He wrote back not only validating my feelings, fears and that it’s OK to sleep when tired but he also said, “Stay angry and try to beat them at their game”. “They” being the outdated constructs of this business of filmmaking and I guess like everything it’s a one day, one minute at a time deal…I’ll keep you posted.

I was in Baldwin Hills last week for a shoot. I had never seen Los Angeles from this angle and it is such a reminder that just when I think I’ve seen it all, clearly I have not! A few weeks back I met up with my friend, Victoria Mahoney a filmmaker who is currently on a festival run with her first feature film, YELLING TO THE SKY. As I was in NY just finishing post on PERFECTION Victoria was very sweet to tell me a bit about her experiences so far and that the most important thing is to stay connected to why we make films! To tell stories from our hearts and to NOT listen to ANYONE who does not respect that. I know some women who want to express themselves but let fear get in the way of their vision, they listen to other people’s fears and it is a ripple effect. In this fickle market where risk taking is really not happening, independent film is not what it used to be but I am still hopeful that individual stories and vision will prevail but we MUST all support each other. I love and respect Victoria’s passion as I know she does mine and so many other female filmmakers! This is an exciting time for all of us and as the business changes daily being willing to see things differently and not listen to ANYONE’S limitations is key.

My dreams have been so vivid lately with many quest appearances from lovers, friends and just last night my favorite acting coach and director, JOAN DARLING!

Joan has been an inspiration to me from the moment I met her.  Not only is she one of the first Emmy winning female directors in television she is so smart, funny, charming and has a way of being direct and honest without offending anyone. I had the opportunity to work with her again this past January and to watch her work with other actors so lovingly without judgement is refreshing to say the least! There are a few people I’ve been lucky enough to spend time with that just in their presences you can’t help but feel good, Joan is one of them and another one is Betty White!

I was working in television last year and got to spend some quality time with Betty! She has such an amazing attitude and kept saying to me “I can’t believe all the work I’m getting in my later life!” Well, it’s no accident to see why? She is a bright light and like Joan has this incredible quality of not being sentimental. It’s hard to explain but there is such little concern of “self” with these ladies and I’m just grateful to know there are loving, beautiful, talented and inspiring women in this business and in the world!

On the other hand, I’ve been listening to the Francois Tuffaut’s interviews with Alfred Hitchcock from 1962. Fascinating and inspiring stuff  but in a entirely different way!

It seems that time goes by faster than ever as the amazing smell of orange blossoms surrounds my neighborhood telling me that spring is just around the corner. Life is sweet and so unknown…Last weekend a man well respected in the independent film world passed away, Mr. Gary Winnick.

I met Gary in 2007 when my script was nominated for IFP’s Best Screenplay award. I was one of 5 finalist and at the awards brunch, Gary sat at our table and asked all of us “What is keeping us from making our films”? We all pretty much said, Money! He replied, “That’s not a good enough reason”. Gary then met with me again a few months later in Los Angeles to help figure out how to get my first feature, PERFECTION then titled, Slice off the ground. He first tried to talk me out of making a film about self injury, he said the subject matter was too tough and when he saw that I was not to be swayed he said, “You will get this film made! it won’t be easy, but I can tell you can’t live without doing this”.

God bless him and he was right! I am just wrapping up post for PERFECTION and so sad that I won’t be able to show it to Gary. His passing is a huge loss for all of us.

I hope to always remember his LOVE  and support for independent filmmaking and with that spirit FFC Female Filmmaking Collective is having it’s first event in Los Angeles MARCH 27TH! YAY!!! Please check out our Facebook page FFC for details. The topic is “SPRING INTO ACTION” Let’s celebrate our vision and love this life!